The Honest Toddler: A Child’s Guide to Parenting
Bunmi Laditan
Category: “Parenting”
Synopsis: A
treatise on parenting from the toddler’s point of view.
Date finished: 19
June 2013
Rating: ****½
Comments:
If you’re unfamiliar with The Honest Toddler blog, you
should probably stop reading this review now, go there, read one or two (or
all) of the entries, and come back. I’ll wait.
See there. Hilarious, no? You’re welcome.
The book is no different. The best part about the book, however—aside from its
hilarity—is that it isn’t just blog entries bound in book form like so many
blog books are. No, it’s a whole parenting guide with sections and subsections
and lots of new material. Some of the entries appear, but I don’t remember
anything appearing in its original blog form. So kudos to the author!
Which brings me to this: I was sort of disappointed to have the
name and a picture of the author. Nowhere on the blog was the author’s identity
divulged (though a Google search would reveal it). Intellectually, of course,
we all knew that Honest Toddler (HT) didn’t write the book or the blog, but it
was a fun delusion. The point of view was so original and spot-on. I actually
enjoyed NOT knowing who was behind the entries. While waiting for the book to
be released, I kept trying to figure out ways for the anonymity to be
maintained. But alas, book publishers are interested in sales and profit and a
book won’t sell without a face and, presumably, a book tour.
Also, I was surprised (perhaps disappointed?) to discover
that the Honest Toddler is a girl. I’d always pictured HT as a boy.
But all this aside, I was not dissatisfied with the book at
all. At times I think I was slightly bored, the way you might get bored if a
standup comic’s routine had gone on too long. I think I hit cute/sarcasm overload
a few times.
My review really doesn’t do it justice, so I’ll give you
some favorite passages for an idea of what HT has to say about parenting, and
how you’re screwing it up:
On Sharing:
Even though it sounds ridiculous, many adults believe that
because children don’t have formal employment, all their possessions must be
nonproprietary…. Seventy percent of all toddler-on-toddler violence comes from
sharing…. Sharing is a socially accepted form of theft and needs to be
abolished…. If a strange women or man knocked on your door and asked to borrow
your vehicle, how would you feel? (page 14)
On Risk-taking:
The only time a toddler can be injured is when a parent
views the accident. The gaze of a parent is like kryptonite and immediately
weakens the child. (page 19)
On Grandparents (who KNOW how to parent):
Make it your new goal to love not like a parent but like a
grandparent. (page 45)
On Vegetables:
Ninety-nine percent of vegetables are not fit for human
consumption. The other 1 percent is ketchup. (page 55)
Broccoli is a gateway drug to cauliflower. (page 55)
[Eggplant] tastes like frustration. (page 56)
When I see a pea lift anything over its head or an orange
bell pepper break a cement block, I will believe that vegetables can impart
strength. They’re not even powerful enough to taste good. (page 225)
On Brown Rice:
This food looks like a rough draft. (page 62)
On Band-Aids:
A toddler who walks out of the house wearing no Band-Aids
hasn’t been anywhere or seen anything. (page 109)
On babysitters:
I find it amazing that parents won’t leave their cars
unlocked in an underground garage but will hire babysitters. (page 215)
The author brilliantly brings to light the hypocrisy of
parents, the egocentric worldview of the toddler, and the nuances of the life
of the child with few words but many ideas. If you have a toddler or have ever
known one, I think you’ll be delighted with this read.
Would you recommend
this to a friend?
Yes.
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